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More and More people work at home and study at home with the development of computer technology. do you think it is a positive or negative development ?

More and More people work at home and study at home with the development of computer technology. do you think it is a positive or negative development? r8aJm
In today's technologically world, a lot of individuals work and study at home due to the development of internet. this Situation has both merits-and demerits, while I believe advantages are far more.   There are many Positives of working and studying at time. Firstly, it saves time of the employees and learners because due to work at home, At home, workers and students can concentrate more on their work. They can Create their working area and study table with their interest. So, people can get better results to work at hame and study at home.   Secondly, working and studying from home beneficial for the environment too. when people start work at home and learners study at their home, they do not have to use vehicles to go outside. This is helpful to reduce traffic congestion and pollution. For instances, I have seen during lockdown a lot of my friends, stared work at home in india and everyone noticed that how environment become clean and pollution free within few days. On the other hand, the main disadvantage of working at home studying at home is loneliness. People spend many hours on internet alone for work and study. It creates very less and poor communication. Nowadays, people are suffering from depression because they are isolated at home, due to the development of computer and technology. In conclusion, I would like to repeat that internet has become humans life very easy. In my opinion the benefits outweigh drawbacks of work and study at home with the development of internet.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
technologically
world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at home due to the development of internet.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
Situation has both merits-and demerits, while I believe advantages are far more.
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There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Positives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and studying at time.
Firstly
, it saves time of the employees and learners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home, At home, workers and students can concentrate more on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They can Create their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
area and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
table with their interest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better results to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at
Possible spelling mistake found.
hame
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at home.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and studying from home beneficial for the environment too.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home and learners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at their home, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
vehicles to go outside. This is helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
traffic congestion and pollution. For instances, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
during lockdown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
my friends, stared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home in
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
and everyone noticed that how environment become clean and pollution free within few days.
On the other hand
, the main disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home studying at home is loneliness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours on internet alone for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. It creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less and poor communication. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are isolated
at home, due to the development of computer and technology.
In conclusion
, I would like to repeat that internet has become humans life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy. In my opinion the benefits outweigh drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at home with the development of internet.
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IELTS academic More and More people work at home and study at home with the development of computer technology. do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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