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More and more people trying to achieve fame. Is it positive or negative development.

More and more people trying to achieve fame. Is it positive or negative development. XEp9g
Nowadays, the number of people desired to be in the public eye is increasing. And I do think it is a negative development for a society, as people willing to get famous can cause bad effects on young generations' behavior and additionally their own personality won't be well. Generally, if people were trying to get the fame in ordinary ways, with talents or skills for example, it would be okay. But sadly, some of the modern celebrities, who are choosing notoriety as their image, the image that is easy to be in the headlines, are causing adults to think that the bad behaviour and sinful acts make them look cool. Especially those who are going to fade from the scene are ready to anything for keeping attention they used to possess. For instance, Conor MgGregor, as known as "The Notorious", after he lost the fight to the Khabib Nurmagomedov, he attacked to the bus Khabib and his friends were on and made a scandal to remaining as an icon in the eye of fans. Even so, it is a definite that such kind of hypers will lose their possession on the media, since they are on the wrong way. In addition the fame they tasted will affect them negatively as they fail and in most casesthey are sensationally getting used to eating disorder or drug addiction. That is how they will lose their personality as a human. As a proof, Justin Bieber, who was the on the top of the music charts for the last decade, several times has been arrested for unrespective acts to the public and also to singers, as well. It was the times exactly when he became drug addict, after a few fails on his career. To conclude, the more people try to be on the hall of fame, the more it gets weird look. Thus, the development of this subject can be harmful to societies.
Nowadays, the number of
people
desired to be in the public eye is increasing. And I do
think
it is a
negative
development for a society, as
people
willing to
get
famous
can cause
bad
effects on young generations' behavior and
additionally
their
own
personality won't be well.

Generally
, if
people
were trying to
get
the fame in ordinary ways, with talents or
skills
for example
, it would be okay.
But
sadly
,
some of the
modern celebrities, who are choosing notoriety as their image, the image
that is
easy to be in the headlines, are causing adults to
think
that the
bad
behaviour
and sinful acts
make
them look cool.
Especially
those who are going to fade from the scene are ready to anything for keeping attention they
used
to possess.
For instance
, Conor
MgGregor
, as known as
"
The Notorious
"
, after he lost the fight to the
Khabib
Nurmagomedov
, he attacked to the bus
Khabib
and his friends were on and made a scandal to remaining as an icon in the eye of fans.

Even
so
, it is a
definite
that such kind of
hypers
will lose their possession on the media, since they are on the
wrong
way. In
addition
the fame they tasted will affect them
negatively
as they fail and in most
casesthey
are
sensationally
getting
used
to eating disorder or drug addiction.
That is
how they will lose their personality as a human. As a proof, Justin Bieber, who was the on the top of the music charts for the last decade, several times has
been arrested
for
unrespective
acts to the public and
also
to singers,
as well
. It was the times exactly when he became drug addict, after a few fails on his career.

To conclude
, the more
people
try to be on the hall of fame, the more it
gets
weird look.
Thus
, the development of this subject can be harmful to societies.
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IELTS academic More and more people trying to achieve fame. Is it positive or negative development.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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