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Martial and divorced status in america

Martial and divorced status in america BwLk9
The bar chart illustrates the number of wedding as well as divorced rate occurrance from the year 1970 to 2000. Whilst another bar chart represents the martial status of adults Americans in 1970 and 2000. It was evident that in the initial 2 years percentile of marriage about 2. 5 millions. Furthermore, in 1990 to 2000 there was decline of 0. 25% to 0. 5% respectively. Whereas the divorced percentage was almost identical in this period. However only difference was noticeable in 1980 around a peak of 1. 4%. In contrast, marital status of Americans were at the top in the 1970 and 2000 era. The rate of divorced people was neglible followed by widow and never married with the number of 5 millions to 12 millions. Compared with the year 2000 almost minimum percentage of widow and divorced people was found whilst the proportion of never married was quite high around 20 millions. The marriages were mostly seen in the era of 1970 mainly of adults.
The bar chart illustrates the number of wedding
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorced
rate
Possible spelling mistake found.
occurrance
from the year 1970 to 2000. Whilst another bar chart represents the martial status of adults Americans in 1970 and 2000. It was evident that in the initial 2 years percentile of marriage about 2. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
.
Furthermore
, in 1990 to 2000 there was decline of 0. 25% to 0. 5%
respectively
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorced
percentage was almost identical in this period.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
difference was noticeable in 1980 around a peak of 1. 4%.

In contrast
, marital status of Americans were at the top in the 1970 and 2000 era. The rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was
Possible spelling mistake found.
neglible
followed by widow and never
Use "to" with "marry." You probably meant this: "married to".
married with
the number of 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
to 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
. Compared with the year 2000 almost minimum percentage of widow and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was found
whilst the proportion of never married was quite high around 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
. The marriages were
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the era of 1970
mainly
of adults.
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IELTS academic Martial and divorced status in america

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
167 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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