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look at the two maps of a beach hotel at different times.make notes on the key changes in the following areas: accomodation,facilities,recreation

look at the two maps of a beach hotel at different times. make notes on the key changes in the following areas: accomodation, facilities, recreation WqYqe
The modernization process of the beach hotel from 2003 to 2013 has been depicted in the picture below. First of all, the hotels room number has increased and apartments renovated with double stair flats. consequently relocation of the pool and its expansion is notable and there are a numerous seating places for recreational purposes. also the restaurant has demolished and moved to opposite side. one other major improvement is that there was a fence between the beach and the hotel area which in 2013 it has been flatten and there is more places available to relax at seaside as a result there has altered a new water sports center. to sum up the beach hotel has really found its meaning by making the area more suitable to enjoy the sea and has been extended the number of rooms and other hobby facilities.
The modernization process of the beach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotel
from 2003 to 2013 has
been depicted
in the picture below.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotels
room number has increased and apartments renovated with double stair flats.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
consequently
relocation of the pool and its expansion is notable and there are a numerous seating places for recreational purposes.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
also
the restaurant has demolished and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to opposite side.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
one
other major improvement is that there was a fence between the beach and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotel
area which in 2013 it has been
Consider using a past participle here: "flattened".
flatten
and
Did you mean "there are more places"?
there is more places
available to relax at seaside
as a result
there has altered a new water sports center.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
sum up the beach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotel
has
really
found its meaning by making the area more suitable to enjoy the sea and has
been extended
the number of rooms and other hobby facilities.
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IELTS academic look at the two maps of a beach hotel at different times. make notes on the key changes in the following areas: accomodation, facilities, recreation

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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