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line graph shows a crime rate of the UK for man and women

line graph shows a crime rate of the UK for man and women RR6dM
A glance at the line graph provided reveals some striking similarities between the male and female criminal convictions on different ages in the UK. Overall, the line graph illustrates that it is evidence that both are saw considerable fluctuation in fertility, with lows during the childwood and at the age of 60. However, it is high during the age of 20 year. At the first glance, the crime rate for people of UK is almost 0 percent at the age 10, but it is rapidly increase during the 10 to 20 year. Male students crime rate sharply rise and reaching at peak 16 percent. Although, female students offence scale slightly growth and reaching at peak around 5 percent. However, bring a sustain decline in this figure. Going into the further details, after the age of 20, crime ratio is dramatically decrease and reaching at 0 percent and 2 percent for men and women, Respectively at the age of 60.
A glance at the line graph provided reveals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
striking similarities between the male and female criminal convictions on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
in the UK.

Overall
, the line graph illustrates that it is evidence that both are
Consider using a past participle here: "sawed", "sawn", "seen".
saw
considerable fluctuation in fertility, with lows during the
Possible spelling mistake found.
childwood
and at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60.
However
, it is high during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 20 year.

At the
first
glance, the crime rate for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of UK is almost 0
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
10,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
rapidly
Consider using a past participle here: "increased".
increase
during the 10 to 20 year. Male students crime rate
sharply
rise and reaching at peak 16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. Although, female
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
scale
slightly
growth and reaching at peak around 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
However
, bring a sustain decline in this figure.

Going into the
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 20, crime ratio is
dramatically
Consider using a past participle here: "decreased".
decrease
and reaching at 0
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women,
Respectively
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60.
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IELTS academic line graph shows a crime rate of the UK for man and women

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
159 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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