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line graph provided reveals information about rates of berth and death between 1901 and 2101 in New Zealand.

line graph provided reveals information about rates of berth and death between 1901 and 2101 in New Zealand. E375D
A glance of the line graph provided reveals information about rates of berth and death between 1901 and 2101 in New Zealand. It can be clearly seen that the period from 2001 to 2101 was forecasted. According to the data in the beginning of the research period the berth rate was twice that death rate 2000 and 1000 respectively. In 1921 the gap between indicators was narrowed and the second time was during World War II. Berth indicator was rocketed after the War and reached a peak approximately 66 000 in 1961. The dramatic drop of born people was registered in 1981 and estimated approximately 50000 and only in 2001 reached the rate of the end of 50’s. While the berth line fluctuated over the period the death indicator increased almost steadily except the result in 1921 when the rate was boosted approximately from 10 to 16000. The other striking feature of the line graph was that the data starting from 2001 were predicted. The prognosis showed that after 2041 the death rate would be notably higher than berth.
A glance of the line graph provided reveals information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
berth
and death between 1901 and 2101 in New Zealand. It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the period from 2001 to 2101
was forecasted
.

According to the data in the beginning of the research period the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
berth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was twice that death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
2000 and 1000
respectively
. In 1921 the gap between indicators
was narrowed
and the second time was during World War II.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Berth
indicator
was rocketed
after the War and reached a peak approximately 66 000 in 1961. The dramatic drop of born
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was registered
in 1981 and estimated approximately 50000 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in 2001 reached the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "50s".
50’s
.

While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
berth
line fluctuated over the period the death indicator increased almost
steadily
except the result in 1921 when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was boosted
approximately from 10 to 16000.

The other striking feature of the line graph was that the data starting from 2001
were predicted
. The prognosis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that after 2041 the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
would be
notably
higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
berth
.
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IELTS academic line graph provided reveals information about rates of berth and death between 1901 and 2101 in New Zealand.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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