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LINE GRAPH FOR PERCENTAGE OF TOURISTS VISITING 4 DIFFERENT ATTRACTION IN BRIGHTON –

LINE GRAPH FOR PERCENTAGE OF TOURISTS VISITING 4 DIFFERENT ATTRACTION IN BRIGHTON – R2wYM
The line graph above highlights the total percentage of tourists who had visited different places of attractions in Brighton, England over a wide range of period from 1980 to 2010. As many as four places of attraction are represented on the graph namely, the Art Gallery, the Pavilion, the Pier and the Festival. On critically scrutinizing the graph, it becomes clear that the percent of tourists visiting all of these places of attractions tend to fluctuate over the mentioned period. Initially, the percentage of tourists visiting the Pavilion in the year 1980 was approximately 22%. However, the number of tourists paying a visit to this attraction seems to have increased to reach a peak of 49%, before plummeting to 33% in the year 2000 following which, it decreases gradually until it reaches 30%. Subsequently, it can be seen from the graph that the tourists visiting the Art Gallery increased substantially from 1980 to 1985 to finally experience a downward trend over the next 5 years. Throughout the period from 1990 to 2010, the graph follows a continuous decline with only slight fluctuations in the percentage of tourists visiting the Art Gallery. On the other hand, it becomes clear from the graph that the Festival has not witnessed much variation in its graph. It has remained constant over the years with only a slight dip in 1995 and a gradual increase before stabilizing roughly at 29%. The Pier had started off as least attractive place in 1980 only to increase gradually and reach a high of 21% in 2010. However, the Pier had also experienced lot of fluctuations over this period before skyrocketing to 21%. Overall, it can be deduced from the graph that the Pavilion was a popular destination as compared to the rest of the places, while the pier seems to have enjoyed the least popularity.
The line
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graph
above highlights the total percentage of
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tourists
who had visited
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different
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places
of
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attractions
in Brighton, England
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over
a wide range of
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period
from 1980 to 2010. As
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many
as four
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places
of
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attraction
are represented
on the
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graph
namely
, the Art Gallery, the Pavilion, the
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Pier
and the Festival.

On
critically
scrutinizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
, it becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
visiting all of these
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places
of
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attractions
tend to fluctuate
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over
the mentioned
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period
.
Initially
, the percentage of
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tourists
visiting the Pavilion in the
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year
1980 was approximately 22%.
However
, the number of
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tourists
paying a visit to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attraction
seems to have increased to reach a peak of 49%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
plummeting to 33% in the
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year
2000 following which, it decreases
gradually
until it reaches 30%.

Subsequently
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
visiting the Art Gallery increased
substantially
from 1980 to 1985 to
finally
experience a downward trend
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over
the
next
5 years. Throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
from 1990 to 2010, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
follows a continuous decline with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
slight fluctuations in the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
visiting the Art Gallery.

On the other hand
, it becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
that the Festival has not witnessed much variation in its
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graph
. It has remained constant
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over
the years with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a slight dip in 1995 and a gradual increase
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before
stabilizing roughly at 29%. The
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Pier
had
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started
off as
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
attractive
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place
in 1980
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to increase
gradually
and reach a high of 21% in 2010.
However
, the
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Pier
had
also
experienced
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
fluctuations
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over
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
skyrocketing to 21%.

Overall
, it can
be deduced
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
that the Pavilion was a popular destination as compared to the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pier
seems to have enjoyed the least popularity.
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IELTS academic LINE GRAPH FOR PERCENTAGE OF TOURISTS VISITING 4 DIFFERENT ATTRACTION IN BRIGHTON –

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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