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Line chart below to Unemployment people in Us and Japan

Line chart below to Unemployment people in Us and Japan okkaq
This line chart depicts the figure of non-working people from United States and Japan from March 1993 to 1999. It is clear from the graph that rate in Us dropped to four percent, while Japan rocket up to four point seven percent. According to what is shown, the Us ratio in 1993 was peak but it is dipped in March 1995, the rate continues to fluctuate decreased until the percentage become 4% in ninteen ninty nine. In one hand, Japan proportions rocket up to 4. 7 per cent, before this rise it was a tiny percentage in 93. Over the year that number still fluctuate soar until nineteen ninety nine it is arrived to the highest proportion. To sum up, we could say that the ratio relationship between the two states is inverse, when the number of unemployment in Us dropped, the figure in Japan is climp, until the year before 99 the difference is diminutive.
This line chart depicts the figure of non-working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
A determiner is probably missing here: "from the United States".
from United States
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
from March 1993 to 1999. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that rate in Us dropped to four percent, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
rocket up to four point seven percent.

According to what
is shown
,
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "Us"?
the Us
ratio in 1993 was peak
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
is dipped
in March 1995, the rate continues to fluctuate decreased until the percentage become 4% in
Possible spelling mistake found.
ninteen
Possible spelling mistake found.
ninty
nine. In one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
proportions rocket up to 4. 7 per cent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
this rise it was a tiny percentage in 93. Over the year that number
still
fluctuate soar until nineteen
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ninety nine
it
is arrived
to the highest proportion.

To sum up, we could say that the ratio relationship between the two states is inverse, when the number of unemployment in Us dropped, the figure in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
climp
, until the year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
99 the difference is diminutive.
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IELTS academic Line chart below to Unemployment people in Us and Japan

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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