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Life expectancy and retirement age.

Life expectancy and retirement age. B7qG9
The bar chart illustrates the age at which males and females across five nations retire, while the data in the table show the life span on average in each of these nations. Overall, a clear link can be drawn between the life expectancy and retirement age, meaning that in the countries where people live longer, they also work for longer. As for the gender, in some countries women retire earlier than men; however, in other countries both sexes begin to receive their pensions at the same time. The three countries where, on average, people live untilthey are over 75 years old are: Japan with the highest life expectancy of 84. 3 years, the USA at 78. 4 years and Brazil at 75. 9 years. In those countries people retire either at the age of 65 (Japan and Brazil) or 66 (the USA), with the only exception being women in Brazil, whose retirement age is 62 years. Meanwhile, in Russia and India, the life expectancy are lower at 72. 9 and 70. 8 years repectively. Although individuals in Russia live approximately two years longer than those in India, they retire earlier: at 61 years of age for men and just 56 for women. In India, both genders start receiving their pensions at age 63.
The bar chart illustrates the
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age
at which males and females across five nations
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retire
, while the data in the table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
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life
span on average in each of these nations.
Overall
, a
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clear
link can
be drawn
between the
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life
expectancy and retirement
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age
, meaning that in the
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countries
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer, they
also
work for longer. As for the gender, in
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some
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countries
women
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retire
earlier than
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men
;
however
, in other
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countries
both sexes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to receive their pensions at the same time.

The three
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countries
where, on average,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Possible spelling mistake found.
untilthey
are over 75 years
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old
are: Japan with the highest
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life
expectancy of 84. 3 years, the USA at 78. 4 years and Brazil at 75. 9 years. In those
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countries
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people
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retire
either at the
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age
of 65 (Japan and Brazil) or 66 (the USA), with the
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only
exception being women in Brazil, whose retirement
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age
is 62 years.

Meanwhile, in Russia and India, the
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life
expectancy are lower at 72. 9 and 70. 8 years
Possible spelling mistake found.
repectively
. Although individuals in Russia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
approximately two years longer than those in India, they
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retire
earlier: at 61 years of
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age
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
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just
56 for women. In India, both genders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
receiving their pensions at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
63.
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IELTS academic Life expectancy and retirement age.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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