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life cycle of a large fish species called “Salmon”

life cycle of a large fish species called “Salmon” X7O7Y
The diagrams illustrate the life cycle of a large fish species called “Salmon”. Looking from an overall perspective, it is cleary shown that the whole life cycle has been divided into three main different phases, starting with eggs and continuing to become adult fishes. A quick glance at the diagrams suggest that at the first stage of the cycle, the females lay salmon eggs near some small stones and reeds at the upper river with slow water flows. After approximate 5 to 6 months, the eggs finally become “fries” which has the average length from 3-8 cm and start to moving down to the lower part of rivers with faster currents and spend their next 4 years here. Continuing on in the cycle, the fries are grown into “smolt” with the length from 13-15 cm and eventually make their way into the open seas. About five years of developing in the ocean, they are finally become adult salmon and now possess the length of 70-76 cm. After that, adult salmons travel back to the upper river and the whole life cycle begins again.
The diagrams illustrate the life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
of a large fish species called “Salmon”. Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
cleary
shown that the whole life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
has
been divided
into three main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
phases, starting with eggs and continuing to become adult fishes. A quick glance at the diagrams suggest that at the
first
stage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
, the females lay salmon eggs near
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
stones and reeds at the upper river with slow water flows. After approximate 5 to 6 months, the eggs
finally
become “fries” which has the average length from 3-8 cm and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to moving down to the lower part of rivers with faster currents and spend their
next
4 years here. Continuing on in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
, the fries
are grown
into “
Possible spelling mistake found.
smolt
” with the length from 13-15 cm and
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their way into the open seas. About five years of developing in the ocean, they are
finally
become adult salmon and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
possess the length of 70-76 cm. After that, adult salmons travel back to the upper river and the whole life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
again.
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IELTS academic life cycle of a large fish species called “Salmon”

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
183 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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