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labor force employment in usa during 1930 and 2010

labor force employment in usa during 1930 and 2010 pRemd
The given line graph represents the percentage of the labor force that was employed in different industries between 1930 and 2010. Overall, employment in fishing, farming and forestry decreased over the past eight decades, while jobs in industry and technology increased gradually. Employment in sales industry started increasing over the past five deacdes. At the beginning of the period, farming, fishing and forestry was about 70% of the US labor force. However, by 2010 this industry decreased dramatically by having the lowest rates of employment at under 5%. In contrast, those who were engaged in industrial professions increased from zero to amounting for the largest rate of labor employment at just under 40%. Jobs in techincal and sales mirrored each other with both increasing steadily. However, by 1995 both started deviating from one another and by 2010 technical industry leaded second among all the given industries. Employment in Other services remained relatively stable.
The
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given
line graph represents the percentage of the labor force that
was employed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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industries
between 1930 and 2010.

Overall
,
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employment
in fishing, farming and forestry decreased over the past eight decades, while jobs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
and technology increased
gradually
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employment
in sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
increasing over the past five
Possible spelling mistake found.
deacdes
.

At the beginning of the period, farming, fishing and forestry was about 70% of the US labor force.
However
, by 2010 this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
decreased
dramatically
by having the lowest rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
at under 5%.
In contrast
, those who
were engaged
in industrial professions increased from zero to amounting for the largest rate of labor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 40%. Jobs in
Possible spelling mistake found.
techincal
and sales mirrored each other with both increasing
steadily
.
However
, by 1995 both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
deviating from one another and by 2010 technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
leaded second among all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employment
in Other services remained
relatively
stable.
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IELTS academic labor force employment in usa during 1930 and 2010

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
153 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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