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internet usage of adults from 2003-2006 in the uk

internet usage of adults from 2003-2006 in the uk Kwea0
The following bar graph illustrates the portion of adults of a different age group using internet in their daily life between 2003-2006 in the United Kingdom. The over 60s had the least percentage of internet users. The generation between 16-24 were the main users of internet. In the year 2003 and 2004 they shared the same percentage, which was 80%. In the year 2005 the percentage arose up to 100%, whereas the percentage has slightly fallen to 90% in the following year. There are two age groups that share a similar percentage from 50% in 2003 to 80% in 2006. We can see from the chart that all the age groups encountered an upward trend as far as their daily usage is concerned. As for the other two age groups, although the percentage had minor fluctuation, the overall trend was upwards. Overall, the generation between 16-54 revealed the greatest usage of internet and the users grew with time regardless of their age.
The following bar graph illustrates the portion of adults of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
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group
using internet in their daily life between 2003-2006 in the United Kingdom. The over 60s had the least
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percentage
of internet users.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
generation between 16-24 were the main users of internet. In the year 2003 and 2004 they shared the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
, which was 80%. In the year 2005 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
arose up to 100%, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
has
slightly
fallen to 90% in the following year. There are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
that share a similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
from 50% in 2003 to 80% in 2006. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the chart that all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
encountered an upward trend as far as their daily usage
is concerned
. As for the other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
had minor fluctuation, the
overall
trend was upwards.
Overall
, the generation between 16-54 revealed the greatest usage of internet and the users grew with time regardless of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
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IELTS academic internet usage of adults from 2003-2006 in the uk

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
162 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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