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industries as proportion of Brazil's economy

industries as proportion of Brazil's economy MllKp
The bar chart illustrates the proportion share of five different industries of Brazil’s economy in two years 2009 and 2019, and also projections for 2029. Overall, the Finance sector have the largest share of Brazil’s economy and its share shows constant growth, whereas that of the other sector is fluctuated. The most prominent is the Finance sector with the proportion share in 2009 account for over 30% of Brazil’s economy and the figure has increased around 5% in 2019. Similarly, in both 2009 and 2019, the rate of two Food processing and Oil, coal and gas significantly rose from 10% to over 20% and from over 25% to 30% respectively. The predict for 2029, the percentage of the Finance sector is proposed to increase about 5% compared to 2019, whereas that of the Food processing and Oil, coal and gas is forecasted equal to 2009. By contrast, both Manufacturing and Tourism sectors are all declined the rate about 5% for each sector, descreased from around 20% and 25% respectively. However, the propose for 2029, two the sectors had a little different, whereas the percentage of Tourism is expected account for over 20%, which is similar to that of 2019. The proportion of the Manufacturing sector is projected only equal one-third in 2019, which account for above 15%.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion
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share
of five
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different
industries of Brazil’s economy in two years 2009 and 2019, and
also
projections for 2029.
Overall
, the Finance
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sector
have the largest
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share
of Brazil’s economy and its
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share
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shows
constant growth, whereas that of the other
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sector
is fluctuated
.

The most prominent is the Finance
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sector
with the proportion
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share
in 2009 account for
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over
30% of Brazil’s economy and the figure has increased around 5% in 2019.
Similarly
, in both 2009 and 2019, the rate of two Food processing and Oil, coal and gas
significantly
rose from 10% to
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over
20% and from
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over
25% to 30%
respectively
.
After 'The', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'predict' is correct. If 'predict' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
The predict
for 2029, the percentage of the Finance
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sector
is proposed
to increase about 5% compared to 2019, whereas that of the Food processing and Oil, coal and gas
is forecasted
equal to 2009.

By contrast, both Manufacturing and Tourism
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sectors
are all declined the rate about 5% for each
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sector
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
descreased
from around 20% and 25%
respectively
.
However
,
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'propose' is correct. If 'propose' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the propose
for 2029, two the
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sectors
had a
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little
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, whereas the percentage of Tourism is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
account for
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over
20%, which is similar to that of 2019. The proportion of the Manufacturing
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sector
is projected
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only
equal one-third in 2019, which account for above 15%.
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IELTS academic industries as proportion of Brazil's economy

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
217 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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