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In about 140 words, write a paragraph about the advantages of running own business.

In about 140 words, write a paragraph about the advantages of running own business. dp237
In today’s world, numerous young people have an inclination self employment. In this paragraph will display the benefits of this problem. To begin with, self employment allows people more freedom. The owner can their own decisions without asking for other people’s permission or can decide when to work and how much to work depending on one’s targets. As a result, this can help people become more independent and mature. Another perk of run own business is that people get to keep all the profits them make. This allows they the opputinities to earn much more than compared to a fixed wage. Last but not least, they can learn many useful things because they have to start from zero and have a lot of responsibilities in their work. To set up their own company, they are learn how to manage a business. For example, they develop their theoretical knowledge, practical knowledge, business-related skills, and so on. In conclusion, this paragraph has demonstrated some of advantages that young people should be encouraging to open their own company.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, numerous young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an inclination self employment. In this paragraph will display the benefits of this problem. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, self employment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more freedom. The owner can their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions without asking for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
permission or can decide when to work and how much to work depending on one’s targets.
As a result
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more independent and mature. Another perk of run
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
all the profits them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
they the
Possible spelling mistake found.
opputinities
to earn much more than compared to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
wage. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, they can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from zero and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
responsibilities in their work. To set up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, they are
Consider using a past participle here: "learned", "learnt".
learn
how to manage a business.
For example
, they develop their theoretical knowledge, practical knowledge, business-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In conclusion
, this paragraph has demonstrated
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the advantages") or simply say "some advantages".
some of advantages
that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be encouraging to open their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
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IELTS academic In about 140 words, write a paragraph about the advantages of running own business.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
175 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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