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Annual amount of visitors

Annual amount of visitors nNQYK
The given graph gives the annual amount spent by tourists from five countries Australia, USA, UK, Japan and China, to visit New Zealand over the period of 1996 to 2014. The currency in which the amount has been measured is, New Zealand Dollars (NZ$). The overall spend showed an increasing trend for every country at the end of 2014. The greatest amount was spent by Australian tourists at any point of time. The smallest value of expend belonged to Chinese visitors while the largest corresponded to the Australians. During the timeline, the annual spends of the people from five countries fluctuated. In 1996, Australian tourists spent around 1000 NZ$ to visit New Zealand as compared to Chinese visitors, who shelled merely 50 NZ$. The expenditure of the tourists from USA, UK and Japan was around 400 NZ$, 450 NZ$ and 775 NZ$ respectively. The maximum amount ever disbursed to go New Zealand was 2300 NZ$, by Australians in 2006. It is evident that Australian people spend most and the Chinese tourists spend least on a trip to New Zealand. Votes
The
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given
graph gives the annual
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amount
spent by
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tourists
from five countries Australia, USA, UK, Japan and China, to visit
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New
Zealand over the period of 1996 to 2014. The currency in which the
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amount
has
been measured
is,
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New
Zealand Dollars (
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NZ$
).

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The
overall
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spend
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showed
an increasing trend for every country at the
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end
of 2014.
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The
greatest
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amount
was spent
by Australian
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tourists
at any point of time.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
smallest value of expend belonged to Chinese visitors while the largest corresponded to the Australians.

During the timeline, the annual
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spends
of the
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people
from five countries fluctuated. In 1996, Australian
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tourists
spent around 1000
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NZ$
to visit
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New
Zealand as compared to Chinese visitors, who shelled
merely
50
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NZ$
. The expenditure of the
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tourists
A determiner is probably missing here: "from the USA".
from USA
, UK and Japan was around 400
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NZ$
, 450
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NZ$
and 775
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NZ$
respectively
. The maximum
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amount
ever disbursed to go
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New
Zealand was 2300
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NZ$
, by Australians in 2006.

It is evident that Australian
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people
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spend
most and the Chinese
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tourists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
least on a trip to
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New
Zealand.

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IELTS academic Annual amount of visitors

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
179 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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