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he given pie charts demonstrates changes in comsumption habits of citizens in UK over 30-year period, from 1971 to 2001

he given pie charts demonstrates changes in comsumption habits of citizens in UK over 30-year period, from 1971 to 2001 1opxN
The given pie charts demonstrates changes in comsumption habits of citizens in UK over 30-year period, from 1971 to 2001 Overall, The amount of money spent on cars, computers and restaurants increased over the timescale, whereas there was a decrease in the spending on books, furniture, petrol and food. It is clear that, the expenditure on cars, which just took up 22% in 1971, increased sharply to 43% for a duration of 30 years. During the same period, there was a significant rise in the proportion of spending on computers from 2% to 12%. The amount of money spent on food accounted for 44% in 1971, but this declined to 14% over a 30-year period. The expenditure on restuarant grew by 2 times from 7 % to 14% In 1971, the percentage of expenditure on food comprised the highest level of 44%, followed by cars 22%, and Computers made up the lowest point of 2%. Nevertheless, Cars reached a peak of 43% of spending after 30 years and was three times higher than Food. The british spent less money to purchase books, and furniture, only 1% and 8% respectively of total expenditure in 2001.
The
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given
pie charts demonstrates
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changes
in
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comsumption
habits of citizens in UK over
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30-year
period, from 1971 to 2001

Overall
, The amount of money spent on
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cars
, computers and restaurants increased over the timescale, whereas there was a decrease in the spending on books, furniture, petrol and food.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, the
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expenditure
on
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cars
, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
took up 22% in 1971, increased
sharply
to 43% for a duration of 30 years. During the same period, there was a significant rise in the proportion of spending on computers from 2% to 12%. The amount of money spent on food accounted for 44% in 1971,
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but
this declined to 14% over a
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30-year
period. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
on
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restuarant
grew by 2 times from 7 % to 14%

In 1971, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
on food comprised the highest level of 44%, followed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
22%, and Computers made up the lowest point of 2%.
Nevertheless
,
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Cars
reached a peak of 43% of spending after 30 years and was three times higher than Food. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
british
spent less money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
books, and furniture,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% and 8%
respectively
of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
in 2001.

IELTS academic he given pie charts demonstrates changes in comsumption habits of citizens in UK over 30-year period, from 1971 to 2001

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
194 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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