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Grange park in 1920 and nowadays

Grange park in 1920 and nowadays yLJ3P
The given maps illustrate how the Grange park has developed since 1920 when it was built. Overall, the park experienced huge changes in industrial sphere by replacing almost all the buildings. In 1920, the benches were located in different parts of map, exactly around it. Three rose gardens were also situated around the park, two of them on the north, the remaining on the south. The middle was filled by the fountain. Far more, there was a music scene nearby the fountain. Besides, the pond for water plants was located on the top right side of the map. Afterwards, the glasshouse was situated near the entrance at the bottom. Nowadays, all the seats are replaced to the centre of the map. The rose garden takes place in the middle. Also, two buildings are built, which are Amphitheatre and cafe. The theater took place of previous stage, and the cafe is built in place of garden. Finally, the water feature was built in the bottom right side.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maps
illustrate how the Grange park has developed since 1920 when it
was built
.
Overall
, the park experienced huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in industrial sphere by replacing almost all the buildings.

In 1920, the benches
were located
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
map
, exactly around it. Three rose gardens were
also
situated around the park, two of them on the north, the remaining on the south. The middle
was filled
by the fountain. Far more, there was a music scene nearby the fountain.
Besides
, the pond for water plants
was located
on the top right side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
map
. Afterwards, the glasshouse
was situated
near the entrance at the bottom.

Nowadays, all the seats
are replaced
to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
map
. The rose garden takes place in the middle.
Also
, two buildings
are built
, which are
Possible spelling mistake. 'Amphitheatre' is British English.
Amphitheatre
and
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
. The theater took place of previous stage, and the
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
is built
in place of garden.
Finally
, the water feature
was built
in the bottom right side.
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IELTS academic Grange park in 1920 and nowadays

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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