Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Governments should not provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Governments should not provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. with this opinion? awQAX
People have different views about whether or not governments should help senior citizens financially. Although I accept that we all have a responsibility to save money for retirement, I disagree with the idea that elderly people should receive no support from the state. First of all, for senior citizens who devoted their whole life to push the construction of the country, it is their basic right to be supported financially by governments as they have paid taxes for their whole life. This is exemplified by the pension system of various developed countries, which allowing elderly people to withdraw money on a monthly basis upon retirement. Also, it is very unlikely for people who have no offspring or with physical and psychological impairment to support themselves since they have no alternative methods and advantages to put butter and bread on their table. In this case, governments should step in with caring and funding policies. Secondly, individuals should be encouraged to take responsibility for their future. As governments deal with large sample size of population, the pension policy might not be ideal for every individual. If each person support himself/herself by using his/her own saving, it will lessen the financial burden of governments, and contribute to economic development even further, which is beneficial to infrastructure construction, such as hospitals, care houses and community centers. To summarize, the senior generation should be supported and cared by the jointed effort of governments and individuals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
senior citizens
financially
. Although I accept that we all have a responsibility to save money for retirement, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should receive no support from the state.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, for senior citizens who devoted their whole life to push the construction of the country, it is their basic right to
be supported
financially
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
as they have paid taxes for their whole life. This
is exemplified
by the pension system of various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, which allowing elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to withdraw money on a monthly basis upon retirement.
Also
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unlikely for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have no offspring or with physical and psychological impairment to support themselves since they have no alternative methods and advantages to put butter and bread on their table.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should step in with caring and funding policies.

Secondly
, individuals should
be encouraged
to take responsibility for their future. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
deal with large sample size of population, the pension policy might not be ideal for every individual. If each person support himself/herself by using his/her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
saving, it will lessen the financial burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, and contribute to economic development even
further
, which is beneficial to infrastructure construction, such as hospitals, care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and community centers.

To summarize
, the senior generation should
be supported
and cared by the jointed effort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and individuals.

IELTS academic Governments should not provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. with this opinion?

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Governments should not provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?