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The diagram below shows how to operate a hot air balloon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows how to operate a hot air balloon. 6xml0
The displayed diagram illustrates how to manage an hot air balloon to fly, from its inflation, till its landing. Overall, the process is not quite simple and requires a wide area and multiple operators. The first step is the laying down of the envelope of the balloon, made of several gores and panels sewed together. Once the balloon casing has been laid down a flat and wide area, is then inflated with a powerful fan. This operation allows the envelope to fully extend and prevents the ropes from tangling up. After that, the basket is placed alongside the ground with multiple butane tanks inside of it. Once the envelope and the basket are in place, the burner is activated to mix air and butane, in order to get warm, light and the dense air, which makes the ballon fly. Indeed the difference between the dense air of the balloon and the normal air is the mechanism that permits the ascension of the balloon. When it is flying, the balloon’s height can be adjusted through a parachute valve, placed on top of it: once its opened the dense air diminishes and therefor lowers the elevation. In order to land, all the hot air inside the balloon is slowly released. Its gradually release grants a soft and safe landing on the ground.
The displayed diagram illustrates how to manage
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
to
fly
, from its inflation, till its landing.
Overall
, the process is not quite simple and requires a wide area and multiple operators.

The
first
step is the laying down of the envelope of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
, made of several gores and panels sewed together. Once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
casing has
been laid
down a flat and wide area, is then inflated with a powerful fan. This operation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the envelope to
fully
extend and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
the ropes from tangling up.

After that, the basket
is placed
alongside the ground with multiple butane tanks
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
it.

Once the envelope and the basket are in place, the burner
is activated
to mix
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
and butane, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
warm, light and the dense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ballon
fly
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
the difference between the dense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
and the normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
is the mechanism that permits the ascension of the balloon.

When it is flying, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon’s
height can
be adjusted
through a parachute valve, placed on top of it: once its opened the dense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
diminishes and therefor lowers the elevation. In order to land, all the hot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balloon
is
slowly
released.
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
gradually
release grants a soft and safe landing on the ground.
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IELTS academic The diagram below shows how to operate a hot air balloon.

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
220 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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