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Fruits sold on holidays at a place in England

Fruits sold on holidays at a place in England 8Q1AG
The chart shows the number of fruits sold in one greengrocer's in England over the period of 3 days holiday and the table shows the amount of customers each day. Starting off with Sunday which has the most visitors of 1, 253 people. This reflects on the amount of fruit being sold, as three out of four fruits which are apples, pears and oranges have the highest amount of sales on Sunday. As for plums, despite having less customers on Monday, which was 984 customers, the quantity sold was higher than Sunday, at around 25 compared to 16 being sold on Sunday. The most popular fruit out of the bunch are apples, which saw the highest amount sold out of all fruits on Sunday at around 48 apples. However on Monday, around 35 were sold, which happens to be roughly the same amount as pears sold on Sunday, and oranges sold on Saturday. Lastly, the most unpopular fruit overall are plums. Only 10 plums were sold on Saturday which was the lowest amount out of all fruits. In addition, on the day where people bought plums the most at around 25 plums, which was Monday, is still lower than the amount of apples and oranges sold on its worst day.
The chart
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shows
the number of
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fruits
sold in one greengrocer's in England over the period of 3 days holiday and the table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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amount
of customers each day.

Starting off with
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Sunday
which has the most visitors of 1, 253
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This reflects on the
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amount
of
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fruit
being sold
, as three out of four
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fruits
which are
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apples
, pears and oranges have the highest
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amount
of sales on
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Sunday
. As for
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plums
, despite having
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun customers is countable.
less
customers on Monday, which was 984 customers, the quantity sold was higher than
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Sunday
, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
25 compared to 16
being sold
on Sunday.

The most popular
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fruit
out of the bunch are
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apples
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the highest
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amount
sold out of all
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fruits
on
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Sunday
at
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around
48
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apples
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
on Monday,
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around
35
were sold
, which happens to be roughly the same
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amount
as pears sold on
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Sunday
, and oranges sold on Saturday.

Lastly
, the most unpopular
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fruit
overall
are
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plums
.
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Only
10
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plums
were sold
on Saturday which was the lowest
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amount
out of all
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fruits
.
In addition
, on the
It is better to use 'day' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "day when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
day where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
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plums
the most at
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around
25
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plums
, which was Monday, is
still
lower than the
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amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apples
and oranges sold on its worst day.
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IELTS academic Fruits sold on holidays at a place in England

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
210 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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