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for Sales stayed nearly the same from 1960 to 2010 at almost 20%, while that of Services rose dramatically from 10% to 25% in town B.

for Sales stayed nearly the same from 1960 to 2010 at almost 20%, while that of Services rose dramatically from 10% to 25% in town B. 6meN8
The bar graphs provide information regarding the proportion of individuals working in various sectors, namely…. , in two towns in 1960 and 2010 Generally speaking, it can be apparently seen from the pie graphs that the percentage of people working in Manufacturing was the highest figures in both years. Besides, the proportion of the workforce in manufacturing decreased/fell in both towns in 2010 compared with 1960 figures. By contrast, in Towns A and B, the percentage of those working in the Services sector increased As can be inferred from the graph, between 1960 and 2010, the changes in the percentage of people working for Services in town A witnessed a significant increase from 29% to 64%, while that of Sales and Manufacturing experienced a decline from 30% to 16% and 41% to 20% respectively. Meanwhile, the number of people working in manufacturing in town B accounted for the majority of the workforce in 3 sectors, at 70% in 1960 and 53% in 2010. In addition, the proportion of people working for Sales stayed nearly the same from 1960 to 2010 at almost 20%, while that of Services rose dramatically from 10% to 25% in town B.
The bar graphs provide information regarding the proportion of individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in various sectors,
namely
….
Loose punctuation mark.
,
in two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
in 1960 and 2010

Generally
speaking, it can be
apparently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the pie graphs that the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Manufacturing
was the highest figures in both years.
Besides
, the proportion of the workforce in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
decreased/fell in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
in 2010 compared with 1960 figures. By contrast, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Towns
A and B, the percentage of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the Services sector
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
increased


As can
be inferred
from the graph, between 1960 and 2010, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for Services in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A witnessed a significant increase from 29% to 64%, while that of Sales and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Manufacturing
experienced a decline from 30% to 16% and 41% to 20%
respectively
.

Meanwhile, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B accounted for the majority of the workforce in 3 sectors, at 70% in 1960 and 53% in 2010.
In addition
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for Sales stayed
nearly
the same from 1960 to 2010 at almost 20%, while that of Services rose
dramatically
from 10% to 25% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B.
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IELTS academic for Sales stayed nearly the same from 1960 to 2010 at almost 20%, while that of Services rose dramatically from 10% to 25% in town B.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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