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Favorite Leisure Activity

Favorite Leisure Activity obpBw
The pie chart depicts the survey results of boys and girls who participate in cultural and leisure activities. One pie chart has all the data related to boys and the activites they are indulged in where as the other diagram shows the acitivites girls are interested in. Both the pie charts are uneven and it is pretty evident that the acitivites that interest girls and different from those of boys. Majority of girls are attracted towards dance as per the pie chart, on the other hand computer games seems to be boys favourite activity. Boys are quite attracted by computer games and almost 34% of boys are into this. The next thing that comes is the outdoor game which happens to basket ball in this case which is played by 26% of the boys. Another outdoor game that boys spend time is the Soccer game and 17% guys enoy to spend thier time playing. Skateboarding and Listening to music does not have much of difference, 11% and 10% of boys enjoy these respectively. Reading is something that boys do not really enjoy beacuse only 2% of them take interest as their leisure activity. Dancing seems to be girls favouriteleisure time as 27% of girls are into this activity. Though reading also interests 21% of he crowd but dance has taken a leap here. Computer games and Netball is the leisure acitvity of 16% and 15% of girls. Gymnastics, an acitivity to keep the body flexibility interests around 11% of the girls. Listening to music has the same reference by girls as well which is 10%. Overall, music and computer games are somthing that both sexes enjoy but computer games breaking the record with 34% is the highest
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pie
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chart
depicts the survey results of
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boys
and
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girls
who participate in cultural and leisure activities.

One
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pie
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chart
has all the data related to
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boys
and the
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activites
they
are indulged
in
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
the other diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
acitivites
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are interested
in.

Both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
are uneven and it is pretty evident that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
acitivites
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from those of boys.

Majority of
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girls
are attracted
towards dance as per the
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pie
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chart
,
on the other hand
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
seems to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
activity.

Boys are quite attracted by computer
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games
and almost 34% of
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boys
are into this. The
next
thing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
is the outdoor game which happens to basket ball
in this case
which
is played
by 26% of the boys.

Another outdoor game that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
spend time is the Soccer game and 17% guys
Possible spelling mistake found.
enoy
to spend
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
time playing. Skateboarding and Listening to music does not have much of difference, 11% and 10% of
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boys
enjoy these
respectively
.

Reading is something that
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boys
do not
really
enjoy
Possible spelling mistake found.
beacuse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2% of them take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
as their leisure activity.

Dancing seems to be
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girls
Possible spelling mistake found.
favouriteleisure
time as 27% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are into this activity. Though reading
also
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interests
21% of
Did you mean "the"?
he
crowd
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
dance has taken a leap here.

Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and Netball is the leisure
Possible spelling mistake found.
acitvity
of 16% and 15% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. Gymnastics, an
Possible spelling mistake found.
acitivity
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the body flexibility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
around 11% of the girls.

Listening to music has the same reference by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
as well
which is 10%.

Overall
, music and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
somthing
that both sexes enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
breaking the record with 34% is the highest
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IELTS academic Favorite Leisure Activity

Academic
  American English
11 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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