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Export Earnings of a country

Export Earnings of a country xD0E6
The below chart represents the value of one country’s exports in various categories. The first chart represents different types of product categories and the export value of each category in billion dollars for the year 2015 and 2016. The second chart represents change in percentage values for exports. By analyzing the first chart, we see that different kind of Product exports increased in 2016 except for Gems and Jewelry. The Petroleum products export increased from 60 to 65 billion dollars approx. The Engineered goods increased from 50 to 60 billion dollars approx. There was not much increase in agricultural products. On the other hand, the textiles category got good increase in exports from 2015 to 2016. However the gems and jewelry category exports are declined to 40 billion dollars. By analyzing the second chart we cab also represent the same information percentages. For example, the export percentages on petroleum products increased 3% in 2016. Similarly Engineered goods increased 8. 5% and agricultural products 0. 81%. The highest is textiles with 15. 24% increment. But the gems and jewelry category are declined 5. 18%. Apart from percentages the country's major export is petroleum Product.
The below
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chart
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represents
the value of one country’s
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exports
in various
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categories
. The
first
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chart
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represents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
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product
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categories
and the
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export
value of each
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category
in
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
dollars for the year 2015 and 2016.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
second
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chart
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represents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
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percentage
values for exports.

By analyzing the
first
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chart
, we
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see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
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Product
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exports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
in 2016
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
Gems and Jewelry. The Petroleum
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products
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export
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increased
from 60 to 65
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billion
dollars approx. The Engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
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increased
from 50 to 60
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billion
dollars approx. There was not much increase in agricultural
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products
.
On the other hand
, the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "textiles'" or "textile's"?
textiles
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category
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
increase in
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exports
from 2015 to 2016.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the gems and jewelry
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category
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exports
are declined
to 40
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billion
dollars.

By analyzing the second
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chart
we cab
also
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represent
the same information
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percentages
.
For example
, the
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export
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percentages
on petroleum
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products
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increased
3% in 2016.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
Engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
8. 5% and agricultural
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products
0. 81%. The highest is textiles with 15. 24% increment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the gems and jewelry
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category
are declined
5. 18%. Apart from
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percentages
the country's major
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export
is petroleum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Product
.
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IELTS academic Export Earnings of a country

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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