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Explain the process of building bricks for building industry

Explain the process of building bricks for building industry aQn7G
The below given diagram describes the process of manufacturing bricks for the building industry. The types of tools used in the entire process are digger, roller, wire cutter, oven, and cooling chamber. It can be clearly seen from the diagram that firstly, the clay has been dug out using a digger and transferred to the metal grid to separate out big chunks from the smaller ones. Then the filtered particles are forwarded using a roller and mixed with sand and water. Later the mixture is moulded using a wire cutter or mould and is kept in a drying oven for approximately 24-48 hours. The temperature varies from 200-1300 degree celsius in different phases(moderate and high). After this it is kept in the cooling chamber for 48-72 hours. At last, the bricks are packed in the packing facility and sent for the delivery. Hence, we can say that the process consists of 7 phases: digging, filtering, shaping, drying, cooling, packaging, and delivering. Also the bricks are kept in a cooling chamber(48-72 hours) for a longer period of time as compared to a drying oven(24-48 hours).
The below
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the process of manufacturing bricks for the building industry. The types of tools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the entire process are digger, roller, wire cutter, oven, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooling
chamber.

It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the diagram that
firstly
, the clay has
been dug
out using a digger and transferred to the metal grid to separate out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chunks from the smaller ones. Then the filtered particles
are forwarded
using a roller and mixed with sand and water. Later the mixture is
Possible spelling mistake found.
moulded
using a wire cutter or
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in a drying oven for approximately 24-48
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. The temperature varies from 200-1300 degree
Possible spelling mistake found.
celsius
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
phases(moderate and high). After this it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooling
chamber for 48-72
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. At last, the bricks
are packed
in the packing facility and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
for the delivery.

Hence
, we can say that the process consists of 7 phases: digging, filtering, shaping, drying,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooling
, packaging, and delivering.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the bricks are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooling
chamber(48-72
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours)
for a longer period of time as compared to a drying oven(24-48
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours)
.

IELTS academic Explain the process of building bricks for building industry

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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