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Enrollment of girl per 100 boys in different level of education in 1990 and 1998

Enrollment of girl per 100 boys in different level of education in 1990 and 1998 mY9A
The bar chart provides information about enrollment of a single female per 100 males participated in different levels of education in year 1990 and 1998 in developing and developed countries. Overall, the number of females who participated in education was definitely higher in 1998 compared to 1990 in both types of countries. The number of females who participated in secondary education in developed countries were roughly similar in both years that is just under 100. Furthermore, the same numbers were also shown in primary education where there were roughly 95 females who enrolled. However, tertiary education had the most participation compared to the other level as it hit the its highest number in 1998 where 110 females joined. In developing countries, most female participated in primary education and this is reflected in the numbers where around 85 girls were in school in 1998. On the other hand, there was a significantly lower participation rate of female in tertiary education in the same year, as there were only roughly 75 girls per 100 boys.
The bar chart provides information about enrollment of a single
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female
per 100 males
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participated
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels of
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education
in year 1990 and 1998 in developing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

Overall
, the
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number
of
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females
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in
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education
was definitely higher in 1998 compared to 1990 in both types of countries.

The
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
were roughly similar in both years
that is
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just
under 100.
Furthermore
, the same
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numbers
were
also
shown in primary
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education
where there were roughly 95
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females
who enrolled.
However
, tertiary
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education
had the most participation compared to the other level as it hit
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "its highest" or "the highest"?
the its highest
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number
in 1998 where 110
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females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, most
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participated
in primary
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education
and this
is reflected
in the
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numbers
where around 85 girls were in school in 1998.
On the other hand
, there was a
significantly
lower participation rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
in tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the same year, as there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
roughly 75 girls per 100 boys.
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IELTS academic Enrollment of girl per 100 boys in different level of education in 1990 and 1998

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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