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energy consumption among Australians

energy consumption among Australians 5aynB
The first given chart, shows the average usage of energy per house in Australia, however the second chart illustrates the average gaseous emissions per house, due to this energy used. In general, it's obvious that heating is the most action consuming energy per Australian house, with a score of 43%, however gases emitted due to heating scores 15%. Moreover, it's clear that water heating is the most action emitting greenhouse gases per house. on the same hand it grabs the 2nd rank in usage among Australian people with a score of 30%. Australian people use 7%, and 4% of their energy on refrigerators, and lighting respectively, however the gas emitted is double that of the energy used in these 2 actions with a score of 14, and 8% sequentially. The energy used on cooling, and other causes, is 2%, and 15% respectively, which is less than that of gases emitted by these actions which is 3%, and 28%. In conclusion, heating, and water heating are the most actions that need energy, and by that emitting gases, however cooling requires the least energy consumption, and gases emitted.
The
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the average usage of
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energy
per
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house
in Australia,
however
the second chart illustrates the average gaseous emissions per
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house
, due to this
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

In general
, it's obvious that
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heating
is the most
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action
consuming
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energy
per Australian
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house
, with a
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score
of 43%,
however
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gases
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emitted
due to
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heating
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scores
15%.
Moreover
, it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that water
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heating
is the most
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action
emitting greenhouse
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gases
per
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house
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the same hand it grabs the 2nd rank in usage among Australian
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people
with a
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score
of 30%.

Australian
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
7%, and 4% of their
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energy
on refrigerators, and lighting
respectively
,
however
the gas
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emitted
is double that of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in these 2 actions with a
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score
of 14, and 8%
sequentially
.

The
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on cooling, and other causes, is 2%, and 15%
respectively
, which is less than that of
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gases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emitted
by these actions which is 3%, and 28%.

In conclusion
,
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heating
, and water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
are the most actions that need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, and by that emitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gases
,
however
cooling requires the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
consumption, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emitted
.
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IELTS academic energy consumption among Australians

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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