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Employment of all men and women workers by occupation in the UK in 2005

Employment of all men and women workers by occupation in the UK in 2005 lLGGX
The horizontal bar chart depicts 9 different jobs and their employees by percentages in 2005 in the UK. Overall, women worked mostly as administrator and secretary as well as skilled trades were mostly occupied by men. Males preferred to work as managers and senior officials, plant and machine operatives compared to females. Furthermore, working as a trader was the most common job among men and their percentages were about 20%. Three occupations, servicing, customer service and secretarial were mainly orientated to females. Their percentages were not less than 12%, especially, about 22% women worked in adminstrative and secretarial jobs. Only 3-5% of men worked in these occupations in 2005 and it was lowest rate among these jobs. There were some kind of jobs like professional, technical and catering assistants which were orientated to both genders. For instance, their percentages were almost the same about 12, 14 and 11% respectively.
The horizontal bar chart depicts 9
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and their employees by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
in 2005 in the UK.
Overall
, women worked
mostly
as administrator and secretary
as well
as skilled trades were
mostly
occupied by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

Males preferred to work as managers and senior officials, plant and machine operatives compared to females.
Furthermore
, working as a trader was the most common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
were about 20%.

Three occupations, servicing, customer service and secretarial were
mainly
orientated to females. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
were not less than 12%,
especially
, about 22% women worked in
Possible spelling mistake found.
adminstrative
and secretarial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
3-5% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
worked in these occupations in 2005 and it was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
rate among these jobs.

There were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
like professional, technical and catering assistants which
were orientated
to both genders.
For instance
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
were almost the same about 12, 14 and 11%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Employment of all men and women workers by occupation in the UK in 2005

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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