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electricity production in germany and france

electricity production in germany and france GlWYm
The pie charts provides information about the percentage of electricity produced from different sources in two European countries; namely Germany and France during the year 2009. Overall, it is readily apparent from the graphs that, France depends mainly depend on nuclear sources for electricity generation, whereas, Germany relay more on conventional thermal resources. In 2009, a significant portion of France energy is developed from the nuclear plants and it accounts for about 76 percent, while in Germany it was less than a quarter. The figures for conventional energy was high in Germany compared to France and it  consist of 19. 6 percent and 10. 3 percent respectively. similarly, the  percentage of electricity generated from renewable contents in is 4percent higher in Germany than the France. While considering the renewable energy sources, Germany produce a same proportion of electricity from both biomass and wind. whereas, in the France both  accounts for less than 20 percent and it completely rely on hydroelectric resource for electricity generation.
The pie charts provides information about the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
produced from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sources in two European countries;
namely
Germany and France during the year 2009.
Overall
, it is
readily
apparent from the graphs that, France depends
mainly
depend on nuclear sources for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
generation, whereas, Germany relay more on conventional thermal resources. In 2009, a significant portion of France energy
is developed
from the nuclear plants and it accounts for about 76
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
, while in Germany it was less than a quarter. The figures for conventional energy was high in Germany compared to France and it
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Did you mean "consists"?
consist
of 19. 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and 10. 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
respectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
similarly
, the
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
generated from renewable contents in is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
4percent
higher in Germany than the France. While considering the renewable energy sources, Germany
The singular proper name 'Germany' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "produces", "produced".
produce
a same proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
from both biomass and wind.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
, in the France both
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
accounts for less than 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and it completely
Did you mean "relies"?
rely
on hydroelectric resource for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
generation.
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IELTS academic electricity production in germany and france

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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