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Earning in exporting various products in year 2015-16

Earning in exporting various products in year 2015-16 kgqpd
The given bar chart and tabular shows the exports of various products and the percentile of various changed. The survey was conducted in 2015 and 2016. To commence, earning from exports was categorised in various fields. In year 2015 the net worth pf petroleum and engineered goods was 61 billion dollars and 57 billion dollars. However, in 2016 both of them grasped almost same level, 60-61 billion dollar. On the other hand, agricultural and textiles products was 31 billion dollars and 27 billion dollars on the contrary by year 2016 farming remain the same whereas textile goods Stretched themselves to 31 billion dollars. Gems and jewellery were the mediocre started with 42 billion dollar dropped slightly by 1 billion in 2016. In addition, there were various ups and downs in the percentage of goods exported. Petroleum, engineered and textiles saw an increasing trend with 3%, 8. 5% and 15. 24%. While gems and jewellery were in a loss of 5. 1 % and agricultural with a minimum loss about 0. 81%. Overall, the chart clearly shows that petroleum was the most earned sector whereas textile industry has a drastic rise in his production by year 2016.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart and tabular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the exports of
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various
products and the percentile of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. The survey
was conducted
in 2015 and 2016.

To commence, earning from exports was
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
fields. In year 2015 the net worth pf petroleum and engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
was 61
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
and 57
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
.
However
, in 2016 both of them grasped almost same level, 60-61
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billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
.
On the other hand
, agricultural and
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textiles
products was 31
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
and 27
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
on the contrary
by year 2016 farming remain the same whereas
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textile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
Stretched themselves to 31
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
. Gems and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
were the mediocre
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with 42
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billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
dropped
slightly
by 1
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billion
in 2016.

In addition
, there were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
ups and downs in the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
exported. Petroleum, engineered and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
textiles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an increasing trend with 3%, 8. 5% and 15. 24%. While gems and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
were in a loss of 5. 1 % and agricultural with a minimum loss about 0. 81%.

Overall
, the chart
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that petroleum was the most earned sector whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
textile
industry has a drastic rise in his production by year 2016.
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IELTS academic Earning in exporting various products in year 2015-16

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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