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Due to advancements in technology, people are becoming more and more materialistic.

Due to advancements in technology, people are becoming more and more materialistic. Y22jV
Due to advancements in technology, people are becoming more and more materialistic. They are relying on gadgets and automated machinery. Computers are a common necessity of modern genera. Schools should use computers for educational purposes. On the other hand, there are some side effects of this on pupils. I agree with the former view of the statement. And this essay will discuss both views in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, everything is available on the internet. One can visit the whole world by computers and laptops. There are several advantages of the installation of desktops in the classroom. Firstly, Students can learn animated lessons on computers and projector screens. This increases the visualization power of students, also they can understand complex topics very easily. Secondly, in this competitive world students must be multitasking and must know all the computer skills. Thirdly, Students can learn various international languages with the help of listening on computers. Moreover, it is easy for tutors to teach many students on one screen of a projector. Students can save offline videos of lectures and they can relearn them in their spare time. I am giving my own experience that, In my school days, there was one period allotted for projector learning. On that day there was 100% attendance of students. Thus it increases the interest and curiosity of children. However, there are+ some disadvantages to doing so. Pupils may get addicted to computers and some health issues may develop, such as obesity and eyesight. The value of teachers becomes less due to the availability of the internet and computers. Further, not every student is smart to catch every program of computers. In last, book and pen-paper-based learning may evade from student's life. To conclude, it is good to have a smart classroom in school; on the contrary, totally dependence on computers may harm students. The given bar graph illustrates the proportion of citizens who prefer to watch movies in cinema in the years 2003, 2004 and 2007. Overall, In all the given three years the cinema halls were more occupied on weekends as compared to weekdays. On the other hand, the least number of people visited the multiplex on Monday in all three years. It is clear from the chart that, one in ten % of people were going to the theater in the year 2003. it was slightly increased in 2005 at 14% and fell down to 12% in the year 2007. The number of people slightly increased at 20% in 2003. Whereas The number of people who went to a movie was equal in the year 2007 on Tuesday and Thursday. Moreover, it was similar in 2005 for Wednesday and Thursday. It can be seen from the graph that, 30% citizens went to multiples on Friday in the year 2003, 2005 and 2007. The number was peaked at 45% on Saturday for the year 2005. Further, as compared to Saturday the number of people were slightly less on Sunday which was, 30%, 34%, 32% in the years 2003, 2005 and 2007 respectively.
Due to advancements in technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more and more materialistic. They are relying on gadgets and automated machinery. Computers are a common necessity of modern genera. Schools should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers for educational purposes.
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
side effects of this on pupils. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view of the statement. And this essay will discuss both views in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, everything is available on the internet. One can visit the whole world by computers and laptops. There are several advantages of the installation of desktops in the classroom.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can learn animated lessons on computers and projector screens. This increases the visualization power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
also
they can understand complex topics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
.
Secondly
, in this competitive world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be multitasking and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know all the computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can learn various international languages with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of listening on computers.
Moreover
, it is easy for tutors to teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
on one screen of a projector.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can save offline videos of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lectures and
they can relearn them in their spare time. I am giving my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience that, In my school days, there was one period allotted for projector learning. On that day there was 100% attendance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it increases the interest and curiosity of children.

However
, there are+
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Pupils may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to computers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health issues may develop, such as obesity and eyesight. The value of teachers becomes less due to the availability of the internet and computers.
Further
, not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is smart to catch every program of computers. In last, book and pen-paper-based learning may evade from student's life.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to have a smart classroom in school;
on the contrary
,
totally
dependence on computers may harm students.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph illustrates the proportion of citizens who prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies in cinema in the years 2003, 2004 and 2007.

Overall
, In all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
three years the cinema halls were more occupied on weekends as compared
Did you mean "too"?
to
weekdays.
On the other hand
, the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visited the multiplex on Monday in all three years.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the chart that, one in ten % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were going to the theater in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2003.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
was
slightly
increased in 2005 at 14% and fell down to 12% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2007. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
slightly
increased at 20% in 2003. Whereas The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who went to a movie was equal in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2007 on Tuesday and Thursday.
Moreover
, it was similar in 2005 for Wednesday and Thursday.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that, 30% citizens went to multiples on Friday in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2003, 2005 and 2007. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
was peaked
at 45% on Saturday for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2005.
Further
, as compared to Saturday the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
slightly
less on Sunday which was, 30%, 34%, 32% in the years 2003, 2005 and 2007
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Due to advancements in technology, people are becoming more and more materialistic.

Academic
  American English
8 paragraphs
509 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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