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Drinking habbits of the people of some Australian cities

Drinking habbits of the people of some Australian cities rLy5m
Drinking habbits of the people of some Australian cities have illustrated in the given chart. Which cites that, overall during the span of 1 month, people in all cities are prefers to go to cafe for tea or coffee than any other drinikng habbits. Residents of sydney, who opted to buy fresh coffee, is much heigher than any other city shown in the chart. The percentage of the sydney based people who bought fresh coffee, is near about 45% in only duration of 4 weeks, whereas, People who lives in Brisbanehave the lowest percentage of buying fresh coffee which shows that these people didn't choose to have fresh coffee as much. However, people who choosed to buy instant coffee is from Hobert city which is about 59% of the population and in contrast to that only about 46% people in sydney who prefered to have instant coffee in just 4 weeks. This shows that people of sydney is not sway the idea of instant coffee. Last but not the least, One in the most described habbit overall is to go to cafe and coffee for tea is the people of Melburn which is 67% following that Hobart is 65% which is the second most city in which residents choose to go o cafe in 1 month of time. And the resident of Adelaide went the least to the cafe, where they can buy tea of coffee, is nearly 50%.
Drinking
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habbits
of the
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people
of
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some
Australian
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cities
have illustrated in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart. Which cites that,
overall
during the span of 1 month,
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people
in all
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cities
are prefers to go to
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
for tea or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
than any other
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drinikng
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habbits
.

Residents of
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sydney
,
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who
opted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
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fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
, is much
Possible spelling mistake found.
heigher
than any other city shown in the chart. The percentage of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
sydney
based
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
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fresh
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coffee
, is near about 45% in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
duration of 4 weeks, whereas,
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People
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who
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
in
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Brisbanehave
the lowest percentage of buying
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fresh
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coffee
which
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shows
that these
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people
didn't choose to have
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fresh
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coffee
as much.

However
,
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people
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who
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "chose", the past tense form of the verb 'choose'?
choosed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
is from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hobert
city which is about 59% of the population and
in contrast
to that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 46%
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people
in
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sydney
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who
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
to have instant
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coffee
in
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just
4 weeks. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
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people
of
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sydney
is not sway the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of instant coffee.

Last
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but
not the least, One in the most
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described
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habbit
overall
is to go to
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
for tea is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Melburn
which is 67% following that Hobart is 65% which is the second most city in which residents choose to go o
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
in 1 month of time. And the resident of Adelaide went the least to the
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
, where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tea of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
, is
nearly
50%.
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IELTS academic Drinking habbits of the people of some Australian cities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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