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divorce in 2 years in two countries

divorce in 2 years in two countries K09A6
The graph illustrates the proportion of divorcing in Finland and Sweden. In 5 years(2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015). Overall, it can be clearly seen that there has been an increase in divorcing in Finland from 2011 to 2015. While the rate has decreased in Sweden in the same period. Sweden reached the highest rate in 2012 by contrast Finland which declined. Another significant change in 2012 was in Sweden which reached around 50% in the couples who divorced compared to Finland(just over 30%). We can see from the chat that the percentage in Sweden was similarly in Finland in 2014 and 2015. The most significant difference is shown on 2012 where sweden went up to approximately 50% and Finland went down to slightly above 30%.
The graph illustrates the proportion of divorcing in Finland and Sweden. In 5 years(2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015).

Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there has been an increase
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in divorcing in
Finland from 2011 to 2015.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the rate has decreased in Sweden in the same period.

Sweden reached the highest rate in 2012 by contrast Finland which declined. Another significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in 2012 was in Sweden which reached around 50% in the couples who divorced compared to Finland(
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 30%).

We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the chat that the percentage in Sweden was
similarly
in Finland in 2014 and 2015. The most significant difference
is shown
on 2012 where
Possible spelling mistake found.
sweden
went up to approximately 50% and Finland went down to
slightly
above 30%.
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IELTS academic divorce in 2 years in two countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
125 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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