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Different Purposes of water usage around the world

Different Purposes of water usage around the world Eldax
The pie charts show how much water is used for different purposes in 6 areas of the world. From this chart, it is shown that the amount of water used in 6 different areas of the world are compared for 3 main purposes: industrial use, agricultural use and domestic use. Regarding the industrial use, Europe consumed the most water amount of 53 % and it is the highest among the 6 areas. But in contrary to this, it is expressed that Central Asia has the lowest water use percentage of 5% while South East Asia placing third among the six areas with 12 %. Concerning with the agricultural use, surprisingly, Central Asia has the highest water usage of 88% with Europe having the least with 32%. From observing the pie charts, water isn’t used for domestic purposes as much as for those of industrial and agriculture. However it is shown that South America has the highest usage of water with the percentage of 19 % in domestic use because of its high population. To conclude, the pie charts compared the 3 main purposes for water usage for 6 different areas of the world and each area uses water differently with one another.
The pie
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charts
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show
how much
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water
is
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used
for
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different
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purposes
in 6
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areas
of the world. From this
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chart
, it
is shown
that the amount of
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in 6
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different
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areas
of the world
are compared
for 3 main
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purposes
: industrial
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use
, agricultural
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use
and domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. Regarding the industrial
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use
, Europe consumed the most
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water
amount of 53 % and it is the highest among the 6
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areas
.
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But
in contrary to this, it
is expressed
that Central Asia has the lowest
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
percentage of 5% while South East Asia placing third among the six
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areas
with 12 %. Concerning with the agricultural
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use
,
surprisingly
, Central Asia has the highest
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water
usage of 88% with Europe having the least with 32%. From observing the pie
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charts
,
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water
isn’t
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used
for domestic
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purposes
as much as for those of industrial and agriculture.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it
is shown
that South America has the highest usage of
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water
with the percentage of 19 % in domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its high population.
To conclude
, the pie
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charts
compared the 3 main
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purposes
for
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water
usage for 6
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different
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areas
of the world and each
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area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
differently
with one another.
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IELTS academic Different Purposes of water usage around the world

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
202 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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