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global sales for the top five mobile phone brands in the year 2009 to 2003.

global sales for the top five mobile phone brands in the year 2009 to 2003. wxXgd
The bar graph below succinctly encapsulates the global sales for the top five mobile phone brands in the year 2009 to 2003. At first glance, it is clearly noticeable that from the year 2009 up until 2011, Nokia with below 450 sales, was the highest among all the four mobile brands, closely followed by Samsung. But when it came to 2013 Samsung was at the highest peak (with 450 sales), leaving behind all the other brands. Moreover, companies like Apple, LG, and ZTE had the lowest sales (below 150) in between the years. In conclusion, after scrutinizing the whole data, it can be said that when it comes to mobile brands, Nokia had the highest sales in between 2009-2013. After which in the year2013 Samsung took over and reached up to 450 sales.
The bar graph below
succinctly
encapsulates the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
for the top five mobile phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
in the year 2009 to 2003.

At
first
glance, it is
clearly
noticeable that from the year 2009 up until 2011, Nokia with below 450
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
, was the highest among all the four mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
,
closely
followed by Samsung.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when it came to 2013 Samsung was at the highest peak (with 450
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales)
, leaving behind all the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Apple, LG, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
had the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
(below 150) in between the years.

In conclusion
, after scrutinizing the whole data, it can
be said
that when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
, Nokia had the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in between 2009-2013. After which in the year2013 Samsung took over and reached up to 450
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
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IELTS academic global sales for the top five mobile phone brands in the year 2009 to 2003.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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