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description od the amount of dirhams in dubai

description od the amount of dirhams in dubai ob1w9
This line chart outlines mostly unstable trend of gold business in Dubai during the whole year 2002. Generally, the market movement of gold changes from an upturn and slump to the initial degree. As can be seen from the chart, in the beginning of the year gold market was 200 million of dirham and this amount continued growing till March. There was a sharp leap of gold trading, it was already 350 million dirham. In comparison with March, there is an opposite tendency in April – sales started dramatically plummeting and reached the number 250. After that, market volume kept on declining rapidly and got 120 million in July. Then this trading soared to 200 million in August and tumbled to 120 in September again. Later the total of trades slightly improved and achieved the number 170. Afterwards the sales’ volume was relatively steady - around 175-180 million of dirham during last three months.
This line chart outlines
mostly
unstable trend of gold business in Dubai during the whole year 2002.
Generally
, the market movement of gold
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
from an upturn and slump to the initial degree.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart, in the beginning of the year gold market was 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
dirham
and this amount continued growing till March. There was a sharp leap of gold trading, it was already 350
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dirham' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dirhams".
dirham
.
In comparison
with March, there is an opposite tendency in April
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
dramatically
plummeting and reached the number 250. After that, market volume
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on declining
rapidly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
120
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in July. Then this trading soared to 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in August and tumbled to 120 in September again. Later the total of trades
slightly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and achieved the number 170. Afterwards the sales’ volume was
relatively
steady
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
around 175-180
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
dirham
during last three months.
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IELTS academic description od the amount of dirhams in dubai

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
154 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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