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Describing a chart about university subjects chosen in 2005

Describing a chart about university subjects chosen in 2005 kLeMO
The bar chart represents the quantities (in thousands) of people choosing subjects at university in 2005. The chart is divided into two categories, they were men and women. Overall, male students preferred subjects related to numbers and experiments while female students were keen on subjects related to the right brain. Male students in university participated most in sciences, mathematics, literature, and law. The number of male students who chose Humanities is the same as female students about more than 10 thousand. In contrast, female students would like to join in social sciences, languages, and the arts. Moreover, the total of women choosing social sciences reached the top point for nearly 25 thousand.
The bar chart represents the quantities (in thousands) of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choosing subjects at university in 2005. The chart
is divided
into two categories, they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women.
Overall
, male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
preferred subjects related to numbers and experiments while female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were keen on subjects related to the right brain. Male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in university participated most in sciences, mathematics, literature, and law. The number of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who chose Humanities is the same as female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about more than 10 thousand.
In contrast
, female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in social sciences, languages, and the arts.
Moreover
, the total of women choosing social sciences reached the top point for
nearly
25 thousand.
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IELTS academic Describing a chart about university subjects chosen in 2005

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
112 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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