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describing a chart about sport and exercise

describing a chart about sport and exercise Aw6L3
This chart shows the time spent on sport and exercise per week by 16 to 24-year-olds in England. The salmon color represents the males and the blue represents the females. It is clear that most of the youths spend no time for sports, it is a striking finding that the ratio of women who spend no time exercising are 2 times higher than men. Approximately 20% of females spare less than 1 hour for exercise while this ratio is below 15% in males. The ratio of males and females who exercise 1 to 3 hours in a week is equal which is 20%. Women who spend 5 to 7 hours for sport in a week are dramatically less than men, because 1 in 10 males spend those hours to exercise while this ratio is 1 in 100 for females. 15% of men have 7 or more hours in a week for exercising, the portion only 5% for women. The charts demonstrates that women are less likely to spend time for sports than men. One should consider having solutions for this inequality.
This chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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time
spent on
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sport
and
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exercise
per
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week
by 16 to 24-year-olds in England. The salmon color represents the
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males
and the blue represents the
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females
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that most of the youths
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spend
no
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time
for
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sports
, it is a striking finding that the
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ratio
of women who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
exercising are 2
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times
higher than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

Approximately 20% of
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females
spare less than 1
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hour
for
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exercise
while this
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ratio
is below 15% in
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males
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
1 to 3
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hours
in a
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week
is equal which is 20%. Women who
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spend
5 to 7
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hours
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in a
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week
are
dramatically
less than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
1 in 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
while this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
is 1 in 100 for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. 15% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
have 7 or more
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hours
in a
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week
for exercising, the portion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% for women.

The charts
You should probably use "demonstrate".
demonstrates
that women are less likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. One should consider having solutions for this inequality.

IELTS academic describing a chart about sport and exercise

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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