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Describing a bar chart that shows the literacy rate in deferent areas

Describing a bar chart that shows the literacy rate in deferent areas mXpxn
This bar chart illustrates the percentage of men and women who can read and write in different countries in 2011. The green column shows the percentage of male and the green one belongs to women. Overall the male literacy was equal or higher than female literacy. The biggest difference between male and female was in south and west Asia. The most literate area was Asia which nearly all male and female were educated. The area in second place was central and Eastern Europe that it's percentage was just under Central Asia. 4 areas include Latin America, Arab states, south and Asia and sub-Saharan Asia had noticeable difference in percentage of literacy between two genders. In south and west Asia the number of men who were educated was enormously higher than women in same situation. The men's percentage was about 20% more than women. It's obvious that education in some areas depended on the gender or culture in other words. Nowadays in some developing countries women don't have the chance of enjoying a suitable education unfortunately.
This bar chart illustrates the
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percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
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women
who can read and write in
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different
countries in 2011.

The green column
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shows
the
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percentage
of male and the green one belongs to
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women
.
Overall
the male literacy was equal or higher than female literacy.

The biggest difference between male and female was in south and west Asia. The most literate
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area
was Asia which
nearly
all male and female
were educated
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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area
in second place was central and Eastern Europe that it's
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percentage
was
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just
under Central Asia. 4
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areas
include Latin America, Arab states, south and Asia and sub-Saharan Asia had noticeable difference in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of literacy between two genders. In south and west Asia the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who
were educated
was
enormously
higher than
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women
in same situation. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
was about 20% more than women.

It's obvious that education in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
depended on the gender or culture
in other words
. Nowadays in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
don't have the chance of enjoying a suitable education unfortunately.
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IELTS academic Describing a bar chart that shows the literacy rate in deferent areas

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
175 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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