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Describe the graph below which show Inland Energy Consumption in million tonnes of oil/coal equivalents from 1992 to 1995

Describe the graph below which show Inland Energy Consumption in million tonnes of oil/coal equivalents from 1992 to 1995 xaWKo
The line graph demonstrates Inland Consumption of four different kinds of energy from 1992 to 1995. Overall, the general trend for energy consumption is upward over the period shown, except for coal. As is presented in the line graph, the amount of petroleum was the highest to nearly 80 million tonnes while the lowest – nuclear and hydro-electricity had approximately 20 million tonnes in 1992. In the first year, coal rose upward before witnessed a straight drop; in contrast, natural gas increased gradually. In the following year, insignificantly more energy was burned inland, apart from coal which continual slightly declined. Looking into details, more petroleum than natural gas was used, and there are equal at the end of 1994 to above 75 million tonnes while coal and nuclear and hydro-electricity still maintain. Besides, it is interesting to note that the amount of natural gas used as the dominant energy and more than petroleum at the beginning of 1995, conversely petroleum had a small rise and equivalent with natural gas. In addition, fewer nuclear and hydro-electricity than coal was used to above 50 and 20 million tonnes respectively, which recorded the lowest energy consumption in 1995. To conclude, petroleum and natural gas were mostly consumed to get energy in 1995 whereas in the second and third most consumed energy sources were coal and nuclear and hydro-electricity respectively.
The line graph demonstrates Inland Consumption of four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
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energy
from 1992 to 1995.
Overall
, the general trend for
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energy
consumption is upward over the period shown,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
coal.

As
is presented
in the line graph, the amount of
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petroleum
was the highest to
nearly
80
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million
tonnes while the lowest
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
nuclear and hydro-electricity had approximately 20
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million
tonnes in 1992. In the
first
year, coal rose upward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
witnessed a straight drop;
in contrast
,
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natural
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gas
increased
gradually
. In the following year,
insignificantly
more
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energy
was burned
inland, apart from coal which continual
slightly
declined. Looking into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, more
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petroleum
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, and there are equal at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 1994 to above 75
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million
tonnes while coal and nuclear and hydro-electricity
still
maintain.
Besides
, it is interesting to note that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as the dominant
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energy
and more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petroleum
at the beginning of 1995,
conversely
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petroleum
had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
rise and equivalent with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
.
In addition
, fewer nuclear and hydro-electricity than coal was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to above 50 and 20
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million
tonnes
respectively
, which recorded the lowest
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energy
consumption in 1995.

To conclude
,
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petroleum
and
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natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
were
mostly
consumed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
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energy
in 1995 whereas in the second and third most consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
sources were coal and nuclear and hydro-electricity
respectively
.

IELTS academic Describe the graph below which show Inland Energy Consumption in million tonnes of oil/coal equivalents from 1992 to 1995

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
226 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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