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Violence on TV and Computer Games

Violence on TV and Computer Games n1QpE
For some people, violence (aggressiveness, aggression, hostility) on TV and in computer games may be harmful for community. While they think like this, others claim the opposite idea and think that these factors don’t have any considerable effect on people’s behaviour. I believe that, watching television and playing computer games are not harmful activities by default, but using them unconsciously can be dangerous. Kitaptaki: These days, the amount of violence in media is growing. While some people argue that this trend will undoubtedly lead humans to dangerous future, others claim that it has no damaging effect on the society. I believe that in most cases media violence doesn’t affect people’s behaviour. Firstly, spending too much time in front of TV and computer games can be harmful to our health; physically, psychologically and mentally. Passing too much time in front of a monitor, makes our brain cells inactive, so then it may cause mental torpor on brain, even decrease IQ level. It also brings some cardiovascular diseases due to physical inertia (stability, inactivity). In addition, almost every age group is psychologically affected by harmful violent scenes in television and computer games. So many times we hear some terrible news saying that; “In the USA, a young attacker was influenced by a harmful computer game and killed many innocent people in a market”. Another sorrowful example is that once a child affecting by a cartoon film, jumped out his home's balcony then passed away. Some advertisements which included aggressive visual materials also encourages taking some dangerous materials or products that have negative impacts on viewers. On the contrary, some people believe that watching harmful television programs or playing violent computer games doesn’t have any significant influence on a person’s behaviour. According to them, harmful effects depend on personal habits. If people use TV or computer games in an appropriate way, it may be beneficial for them for some aspects, such as People act from their motives, regardless what they see on the television. We see a lot of benevolence some informative documentaries, knowledgeable programs, even, in the pandemic period remote education possibilities on TV.
For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, violence (aggressiveness, aggression, hostility) on TV and in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
for community. While they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
like this, others claim the opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these factors don’t have any considerable effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. I believe that, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
activities by default,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
using them
unconsciously
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Kitaptaki
:

These days, the amount of violence in media is growing. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that this trend will
undoubtedly
lead humans to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
future, others claim that it has no damaging effect on the society. I believe that
in most cases
media violence doesn’t affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Firstly
, spending too much time in front of TV and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
to our health;
physically
,
psychologically
and mentally. Passing too much time in front of a monitor,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our brain cells inactive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
then it may cause mental torpor on brain, even decrease IQ level. It
also
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cardiovascular diseases due to physical inertia (stability, inactivity).

In addition
, almost every age group is
psychologically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
violent scenes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times we hear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
terrible news saying that; “In the USA, a young attacker
was influenced
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
computer game and killed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a market”. Another sorrowful example is that once a child affecting by a cartoon film, jumped out his home's balcony then passed away.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
advertisements which included aggressive visual materials
also
encourages taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
materials or products that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on viewers.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs or playing violent computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
doesn’t have any significant influence on a person’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. According to them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
effects depend on personal habits. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
TV or computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
Consider replacing "in an appropriate way" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate way
, it may be beneficial for them for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
act from their motives, regardless what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benevolence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
informative documentaries, knowledgeable programs, even, in the pandemic period remote education possibilities on TV.

IELTS academic Violence on TV and Computer Games

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
352 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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