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Describe the chart that shows reasons which made people move to capital city

Describe the chart that shows reasons which made people move to capital city YLke5
The chart demonstrates the outcome of a survey relating to some main factors that made people decided to move to the municipality. overall, all of reasons that the survey gave rose in the initial period but then the employment's factor went in a different way compared to others. in 2000, employment was a biggest reason to explain why people moved to capital city, about 60, 000 people. in the next following years, employment and study was 2 of the main problems that forced many individuals to move up to the municipality.
The chart demonstrates the outcome of a survey relating to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main factors that made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the municipality.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
,
Consider using "all reasons" or "all of the reasons".
all of reasons
that the survey gave rose in the initial period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then the employment's factor went in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way compared to others.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
2000, employment was
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
biggest reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to capital city, about 60, 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
the
next
following years, employment and study was 2 of the main problems that forced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up to the municipality.

IELTS academic Describe the chart that shows reasons which made people move to capital city

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
91 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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