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The chart shows the weight assessment of inhabitants of Charlestown in 1955 and 2015

The chart shows the weight assessment of inhabitants of Charlestown in 1955 and 2015 WygRb
The bar chart compares the different weight among the residents by aged group of Charlestown in 1955 and in 2015. Generally, young citizens mostly have the best ideal body shape, while the incidence of obesity was increased dramatically among adult citizens of Charlestown. In the other hand, the proportion of residents had become underweight in 2015 lower than in 1955. In 1955, the youngest age group had fewest number of weight problems, with more than 7% of 20-29-year-olds were found to be in healthy weight range, being underweight was a more significant affecting more than 25% in all group and elderly people with just above 40% classified as underweight. The incidence of Obesity become the lowest weight issues, impacting seriously among 50-59 age group with less than 10%, while overweight problem was found among middle aged with just above 20%. In 2015, elderly people have the most health problem which overweight and obesity become popular among this age group with 60% and 28% respectively, while the proportion of underweight had fallen at 10%. However, the youngest age being healthier among all age and the percentage of underweight was showed downward trend with 20%.
The bar chart compares the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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weight
among the residents by aged
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group
of Charlestown in 1955 and in 2015.

Generally
, young citizens
mostly
have the best ideal body shape, while the incidence of obesity
was increased
dramatically
among adult citizens of Charlestown. In the other hand, the proportion of residents had become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
underweight
in 2015 lower than in 1955.

In 1955, the youngest
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the fewest".
fewest
number of
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weight
problems, with more than 7% of 20-29-year-olds
were found
to be in healthy
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weight
range, being
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underweight
was a more significant affecting more than 25% in all
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group
and elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 40% classified as
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underweight
. The incidence of Obesity become the lowest
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weight
issues, impacting
seriously
among 50-59
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age
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group
with less than 10%, while overweight problem
was found
among
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 20%.

In 2015, elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the most health problem which overweight and obesity become popular among this
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age
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group
with 60% and 28%
respectively
, while the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
underweight
had fallen at 10%.
However
, the youngest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
being healthier among all
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age
and the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
underweight
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
downward trend with 20%.
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IELTS academic The chart shows the weight assessment of inhabitants of Charlestown in 1955 and 2015

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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