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describe information in the bar chart

describe information in the bar chart jV3Va
There are two bar charts showing the distribution of weight categories for people living in Charlestown. The first one is from 1955 and the second is from 2015. It is clear that vast changes have occurred in people’s health during this sixty year period. In 1955, very few people were overweight or obese, and most were healthy or even underweight. In each of the age groups, at least half of people were classified as in the ideal weight range, but towards the ends of the spectrum – the youngest and the oldest people – there were more people who fell into the underweight bracket. Being overweight or obese was a problem primarily affecting middle aged people, but not the most elderly ones. However, this distribution had completely changed by 2015. Although some young adults and elderly people remained underweight, a very slim number in the middle of the age groups did. Being overweight had become increasingly common, and obesity had become a huge issue, affecting people more and more as they got older. For people aged fifty and older, more than half suffered from obesity, and very few fell into a healthy weight range.
There are two bar charts showing the distribution of weight categories for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in Charlestown. The
first
one is from 1955 and the second is from 2015. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that vast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have occurred in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health during this
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
sixty year
period.

In 1955,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were overweight or obese, and most were healthy or even underweight. In each of the age groups, at least half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were classified
as in the ideal weight range,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
towards the ends of the spectrum
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
the youngest and the oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
there were more
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people
who fell into the underweight bracket. Being overweight or obese was a problem
primarily
affecting
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
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people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the most elderly ones.

However
, this distribution had completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by 2015. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young adults and elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remained underweight, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
slim number in the middle of the age groups did. Being overweight had become
increasingly
common, and obesity had become a huge issue, affecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more and more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
older. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged fifty and older, more than half suffered from obesity, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible agreement error. The noun fell seems to be countable; consider using: "few fells".
few fell
into a healthy weight range.
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IELTS academic describe information in the bar chart

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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