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consumption of electricity during the winter days in England and the pie graph elucidates how an average English home uses electricity.

consumption of electricity during the winter days in England and the pie graph elucidates how an average English home uses electricity. GNRXj
The graph shows the consumption of electricity during the winter days in England and the pie graph elucidates how an average English home uses electricity. According to the data it is observed that the consumption in the electrical units were high as compared to consumption of units in summers. On the other hand the pie chart helps to understand the use of electricity in day to day house chores. During the winters the consumption of units zenith to 48000 peaking to almost 40000 at 3'o clock and then gradually declines to 30000. Furthermore, the consumption rapidly escalated to 48000 around 9'o clock thereby steadily dwindling afterwards. On the other hand the consumption of units pinnacled to 20000 and nadired to almost 15000 thereby and hovered between the same. In an average English home much of the electricity almost accounting more than half is used in heating rooms and water. On the other hand 17. 5% is used for ovens, kettles and washing machine, therefore, accounting standing at the second position in terms of electricity usage. Furthermore, lighting, TV, radio, and vacuum cleaners, food mixers, going further electric tools possessed 15 % of energy for both the groups.
The graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
during the winter days in England and the pie graph elucidates how an average English home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
electricity.

According to the data it
is observed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
in the electrical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
were high as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in summers.
On the other hand
the pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in day to day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores.

During the winters the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
zenith to 48000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'peaking' seems to be countable, so consider using: "peaks".
peaking
to almost 40000 at 3'o clock and then
gradually
declines to 30000.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
rapidly
escalated to 48000 around 9'o clock thereby
steadily
dwindling afterwards.
On the other hand
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
Possible spelling mistake found.
pinnacled
to 20000 and
Possible spelling mistake found.
nadired
to almost 15000 thereby and hovered between the same.

In an average English home much of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
almost accounting more than half is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in heating rooms and water.
On the other hand
17. 5% is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for ovens, kettles and washing machine,
therefore
, accounting standing at the second position in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
usage.
Furthermore
, lighting, TV, radio, and vacuum cleaners, food mixers, going
further
electric tools possessed 15 % of energy for both the groups.
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IELTS academic consumption of electricity during the winter days in England and the pie graph elucidates how an average English home uses electricity.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
197 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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