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Consuming goods between 1981 and 2007

Consuming goods between 1981 and 2007 PkVAp
The line graph gives information about consuming of margarine, low fat and reduced spreads, butter between 1981 and 2007 Butter sharply decreased throughout the period by contrary low fat and reduced spreads rose significantly, while margarine was almost stable throughout the years. Butter sharply increased the highest consumption amount (159 gr) in 1986 however experienced a downward trend from 1986 to 2007. Margarine was about 90 gr in 1981. However experienced a upward trend between 1986 and 2001. After the sharp declining it became the lowest consumed spread with 40 gr in 2007. Low fat and reduced spreads showed a significant rise from 1996 to 2001 and the highest consumed amount of low fat and reduced spreads was about 82% in 2001. From this year to 2007 it declined to about 70%
The line graph gives information about consuming of margarine,
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low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and
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reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
, butter between 1981 and 2007

Butter
sharply
decreased throughout the period by contrary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
rose
significantly
, while margarine was almost stable throughout the years.

Butter
sharply
increased the highest consumption amount (159 gr) in 1986
however
experienced a downward trend from 1986 to 2007. Margarine was about 90 gr in 1981.
However
experienced
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
upward trend between 1986 and 2001.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
the sharp declining it became the lowest consumed
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spread
with 40 gr in
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2007. Low
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fat
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a significant rise from 1996 to 2001 and the highest consumed amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
was about 82% in 2001. From this year to 2007 it declined to about 70%

IELTS academic Consuming goods between 1981 and 2007

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
131 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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