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comparison of the proportion of males and females age 60 to 64 who were employed in four countries Belgium USA Japan Indonesia in between 1970 and 2000.

comparison of the proportion of males and females age 60 to 64 who were employed in four countries Belgium USA Japan Indonesia in between 1970 and 2000. q6wjD
The bar graph illustrates the comparison of the proportion of males and females age 60 to 64 who were employed in four countries Belgium USA Japan Indonesia in between 1970 and 2000. Overall, the proportion of males employed in four countries Where are higher than females employed in given year's In 1970 Belgium had 79% males and 63% females employed where is in the USA the ratio of males and females are employed highest than other three countries, male had account 86% and females about 78%. However proportion of employed in Japan was least than other countries man was about 76% and women 56%. While 86% men and 65% women were employed in Indonesia which was almost similar to the USA employed. Explicitly comparing in 2000, the parentages of men and women age 60 to 64 who are employed decreased than 1970, nearly over 50% males and 8% females were employed in Belgium. While the USA remains the highest male employed 78% and female 45% among other countries. Japan had been dropped by 10% in both genders in 2000 than 1970. Whereas, Indonesia hate highest women employed than other countries certainly accounted 50% and men were employed about 75% which was second highest employed than other countries.
The bar graph illustrates the comparison of the proportion of
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males
and
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females
age 60 to 64 who were
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employed
in four
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countries
Belgium USA Japan Indonesia in between 1970 and 2000.

Overall
, the proportion of
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males
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employed
in four
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countries
Where are higher than
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females
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employed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
year's

In 1970 Belgium had 79%
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males
and 63%
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females
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employed
where is in the USA the ratio of
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males
and
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females
are
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employed
Use "higher" to make a comparison with this adjective.
highest
than
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other
three
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countries
, male had account 86% and
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females
about 78%.
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However
proportion of
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employed
in Japan was
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least
than
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other
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countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
was about 76% and
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women
56%. While 86%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and 65%
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women
were
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employed
in Indonesia which was almost similar to the USA employed.

Explicitly
comparing in 2000, the
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parentages
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
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women
age 60 to 64 who are
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employed
decreased than 1970,
nearly
over 50%
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males
and 8%
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females
were
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employed
in Belgium. While the USA remains the highest male
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employed
78% and
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female
45% among
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other
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countries
. Japan had
been dropped
by 10% in both genders in 2000 than 1970. Whereas, Indonesia hate
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
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women
Use "(employed)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
employed
than
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other
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countries
certainly
accounted 50% and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were
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employed
about 75% which was second highest
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employed
than
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
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IELTS academic comparison of the proportion of males and females age 60 to 64 who were employed in four countries Belgium USA Japan Indonesia in between 1970 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
207 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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