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Comparison of adoption of Electrical household appliances

Comparison of adoption of Electrical household appliances XEA5r
The graphs illustrate the data from the year 1920 – 2019, the former graph shows the percentage of household with electrical appliances and the latter one shows the number of hours of housework per week, per household. The former graph has three line bars representing washing machine, refrigerator and vacuum cleaner respectively. The graph depicts the progressive increase in adoption of household electrical appliances irrespective of the type. Although, the degree of adoption of a particular appliance defer vastly, like in the case of washing machine, the percentage of population using them have increased steadily from 40% in 1920 to approximately 75% in 2019. Whereas, the adoption of refrigerators is much more drastic, from 0% in 1920 to almost all households having it in 1980. Similar is the case for vacuum cleaners, they too experienced constant increase in adoption from 30% in 1920 to 100% in 2000. The later graph helps us understand the consequence of the adoption of electrical appliances in the form of decreased hours of housework per week. It is evident in comparing both graphs that the decrease in housework hours is a result of the simultaneous adoption of electrical appliances.
The
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graphs
illustrate the data from the year 1920 – 2019, the former
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graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the percentage of household with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electrical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
and the latter one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the number of hours of housework per week, per household.

The former
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graph
has
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
three line
bars representing washing machine, refrigerator and vacuum cleaner
respectively
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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graph
depicts the progressive increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adoption
of household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electrical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
irrespective of the type. Although, the degree of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adoption
of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliance
defer
vastly
, like in the case of washing machine, the percentage of population using them have increased
steadily
from 40% in 1920 to approximately 75% in 2019. Whereas, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adoption
of refrigerators is much more drastic, from 0% in 1920 to almost all households having it in 1980. Similar is the case for vacuum cleaners, they too experienced constant increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adoption
from 30% in 1920 to 100% in 2000.

The later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us understand the consequence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adoption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electrical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
in the form of decreased hours of housework per week. It is evident in comparing both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graphs
that the decrease in housework hours is a result of the simultaneous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adoption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electrical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
.
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IELTS academic Comparison of adoption of Electrical household appliances

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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