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compare two graphs related to number of sexual of Olympics participants and total number of them

compare two graphs related to number of sexual of Olympics participants and total number of them YgYOK
The bar chart illustrates the number of participants in the Olympics by separated the sexual in 1924 to 2012. Blue represented men and green was women. On the other hands, the line chart shows the total number of Olympics participants during same years. As the shown in bar chart, the number of man competitors is more than women in each Olympics. This difference was significant in 1924 to 1984. But in 2012, the number women athletes was soar substantially. It meant that in 1924 the ratio of men in respect of women was around 9, despite in 2012 this ratio decreased to just under 1. To compare to men, the number of women who present in competitions as first time was more than, in fact, their number rich from 200 in 1924 to about 1500 in 1984. The line chart is related to total participants in Olympics during 1924 to 2012. The trend was upward and moved from 3000 in 1924 to just over 10000 in 2012. Number of athletes rose gradually between 1924 and 1984 but, after that, a sharp increasing trend observed until 2012. In summaries, with analyses of two charts this fact can obtain that the number of Olympics participants go up and women played a specially important role to formation this trend. Because their number had more notable grew during 1924 to 2012, much more than men. For example, in 2012, the number of competitors up to its maximum and also the women participated 3 times more approximately respect to 1984.
The bar
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chart
illustrates the
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number
of
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participants
in the Olympics by separated the sexual in 1924 to 2012. Blue represented
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men
and green was
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women
. On the other hands, the line
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chart
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shows
the total
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number
of Olympics
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participants
during same years.

As the shown in bar
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chart
, the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
competitors is more than
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women
in each Olympics. This difference was significant in 1924 to 1984.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in 2012, the
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number
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women
athletes was soar
substantially
. It meant that in 1924 the ratio of
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men
in respect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
was around 9, despite in 2012 this ratio decreased to
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just
under 1. To compare to
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men
, the
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number
of
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women
who present in competitions as
first
time was more than, in fact, their
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number
rich from 200 in 1924 to about 1500 in 1984.

The line
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chart
is related
to total
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participants
in Olympics during 1924 to 2012. The trend was upward and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
from 3000 in 1924 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 10000 in 2012.
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Number
of athletes rose
gradually
between 1924 and 1984
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, after that, a sharp increasing trend observed until 2012.

In summaries, with analyses of two
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charts
this fact can obtain that the
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number
of Olympics
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participants
go up and
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women
played a
specially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to formation this trend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
their
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number
had more notable grew during 1924 to 2012, much more than
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men
.
For example
, in 2012, the
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number
of competitors up to its maximum and
also
the
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women
participated 3 times more approximately respect to 1984.
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IELTS academic compare two graphs related to number of sexual of Olympics participants and total number of them

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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