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Compare the crime rates which occurred in the Panama City

Compare the crime rates which occurred in the Panama City B7L9w
The graph gives information on crimes that took place in Panama City. Majorly, there were three different areas of crime, they are burglary, car theft, and robbery, which occurred from the year 2010 to 2019. The robbery cases which were lesser than the burglary and the car theft fluctuated around 500. Moreover, there was a high number of cases of burglary. Initially, it surged for 1 year and then suddenly plummeted. And reached the mark of approximately 1000 in the year 2015 and rose again till the year 2016. After that, the number of cases were fluctuating around 1000. On the other hand, the number of car thefts was about 2800 in the year 2010. It gradually started di[pping from the year 2012 till the year 2013. However, there was again an increase in the number and ended up being approximately 2800 in the year 2019. Overall, there were no significant rise and fall in the robbery, nonetheless, the cases of burglary and car theft have seen substantial rise at some stage and reduction at some stage.
The graph gives information on crimes that took place in Panama City.
Majorly
, there were three
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different
areas of crime, they are
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burglary
,
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car
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theft
, and robbery, which occurred from the
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year
2010 to 2019.

The robbery cases which were lesser than the
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burglary
and the
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car
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theft
fluctuated around 500.
Moreover
, there was a high
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number
of cases of
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burglary
.
Initially
, it surged for 1
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year
and then
suddenly
plummeted. And reached the mark of approximately 1000 in the
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year
2015 and rose again till the
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year
2016. After that, the
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number
of cases were fluctuating around 1000.

On the other hand
, the
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number
of
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car
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thefts
was about 2800 in the
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year
2010. It
gradually
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started
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di
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[
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pping
from the
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year
2012 till the
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year
2013.
However
, there was again an increase in the
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number
and ended up being approximately 2800 in the
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year
2019.

Overall
, there were no significant rise and fall in the robbery, nonetheless, the cases of
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burglary
and
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car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
have
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seen
substantial rise at
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some
stage and reduction at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stage.
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IELTS academic Compare the crime rates which occurred in the Panama City

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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