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Coffee or tea drinking habits of people from 5 cities in Australia

Coffee or tea drinking habits of people from 5 cities in Australia d9aDr
The bar chart details drinking habits in 5 Australian cities related to coffee and tea which are bought in the last 4 weeks. Overall, more than half the population in all cities except Adelaide went to a cafe for coffee or tea, while buying instant coffee was also popular and buying fresh coffee generally isn't popular. Looking first of all at going to cafes, it was most characteristic of Melbourne and Hobart at 64% and 63%, respectively. Sydney was comparably high at just over 60%, followed by Brisbane at over 55%, and finally Adelaide at under 50%. Adelaide was the only city where people bought more instant coffee by a slight margin
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
drinking habits in 5 Australian cities related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and tea which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in the last 4 weeks.
Overall
, more than half the population in all cities except Adelaide went to a
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
or tea, while buying instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
was
also
popular and buying fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
generally
isn't popular.

Looking
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
at going to
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
, it was most characteristic of Melbourne and Hobart at 64% and 63%,
respectively
. Sydney was
comparably
high at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 60%, followed by Brisbane at over 55%, and
finally
Adelaide at under 50%. Adelaide was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
city where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
more instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
by a slight
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
margin

IELTS academic Coffee or tea drinking habits of people from 5 cities in Australia

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
111 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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